One year. I lived in Texas for a year. It was brutal.
Wait.
I love Texas...I have no qualms with its 'colorful' language, numerous taco houses, huts, casas, bells...the quirky smiles on lower Greenville, the stereotypical and truly unreal big hair...I enjoyed it all. It was an adventure.
I remember driving away, the day after Christmas, over 4 years ago. I was in my little coupe, next to my fiance with the trunk fuller than it should have been with my clothes, picture frames, and other things I did not really need.
What I forgot to take with me was the most important thing. Call it maturity, call it being myself, call it bravery.
I was excited, beyond excited to start a new chapter. Then the new chapter started and it sucked. I was scared, and upset and I crawled into a cave. Sadly, I crawled into that cave during what could have been a joyous time in my life.
But, there is a happy ending to this tale.
***
I have wonderful friends and an amazing family, but I did not turn to them when things got harsh. I had a knack for wrapping myself in old band aids and calling it a day. Gross.
I shut off from everyone back home and wallowed in high times and very low times, there was no grey area in Texas.
We went on fun excursions and silly trips. We saw movies and ate amazing food. I loved spending time with his family. I met some crazy awesome people at a great job. We were in love and completely immature. We fought in ways I never saw us fighting. We acted out in pain and chose hurtful words. In the midst of happy times there are painful memories that I am okay with fading away.
Let's not forget, this has a happy ending, remember?
I don't feel the need to go into more detail at this point, but Texas treated me well, and I did not return the favor.
***
I moved back home and resumed my classes and got a new job. I mended relationships and accepted my family's comforting words. My (now husband) and I were fine, we really were, but we needed this time to grow.
We matured incredibly. We still act like children at times, but shew whee did we need this.
I appreciate my family, friendships, and home more than I ever could have before.
I realize the importance of relationship variety and how not just maintaining, but treasuring these gifts is so necessary.
We learned how to better love one another, and also what needs to come first. We were not walking with the Lord in Texas. Sure, we went to church here and there but our attempts at living our faith were weak and pathetic.
We can't imagine, now, being in a relationship together without keeping the Lord at our center. We have fostered new and "old" friendships that help keep us aware of this goal...we have family that cares about us and we are extremely thankful.
When I thought back to Texas I would feel overwhelmed with anxiety and grief. It was a dark and sad memory. Now, I understand why I had to have this experience. Why we needed to have this experience. We have so much more respect for each other today.
I remind myself daily, that hardships do not have to be in vain. Use them. We will have more, we will go through seasons, but look what we can accomplish with God's help and guidance. I hate fear with a passion and I...we will no longer let it rule our actions.
***
Woah, Allison, why such a serious post? Because. I am a talker, but this is one thing I have never been able to truly talk about. So, instead of renewing my lease in that cave, I brought it out in the open. A much more positive move, don't you think?
We absolutely love visiting Texas and my husband's family, we genuinely wish we could go more often. I love that Texas is "back" to being the place where we dated, where my shopping issue is at full throttle, and the place where my husband and I have truly happy memories.
xoxo
{Be on the lookout for one of my favorite looks inspired by my fond memories of Texas}
Food.
